Yes, my kitty cat, my adorable ball of fluffy fun managed to give me a black eye this morning.
Let me explain (Mists of recollection descend, screen goes all wibbly wobbly, flashback commences)
The weather is changing here, and during the winter, my cat and I curl up together for warmth. SO far so good. As the weather changes, my cat seeks cooler climbs, or perhaps just prefers to stretch out somewhere with a good view. Either way, she often looks for high ground to sleep. In this case, High ground is a small shelf above the wardrobe/closet/whatever the heck its supposed to be.
SO, In a sleek, athletic movement (as cats are prone to do) she leaps up off the back of the couch, onto a small wooden ledge on the window, and from there, springs, cat-like (as cats tend to spring) onto the wooden area. Its kind of like a shelf. Now, for some strange reason…well, actually, I know why, because its too difficult to come down the same way…she has to leap from the top of the closet down onto the soft couch to cushion her downward plumment, where she composes herself, and goes on to do whatever the fuck it is that cats actually do.
The trouble is, the trajectory of the downward arc places her directly onto, well, me. As I sleep on the couch/futon, and my head is directly under her landing spot. Now, you think she would meow a warning, or attempt an alternate route, but ooooo no, not this kitty cat, shes way too relaxed about it.
So, 6 am, while im blissfully unaware of anything, without a warning, down she comes, directly onto my face, her back leg plunging expertly over and down into my (thank goodness) closed eyes.
One swift kick to the face later, and I am wide awake as the sun rises, and in considerable pain. Eyes watering, and a trip to the bathroom mirror shows a pleasantly lobster-red area under my eye, and a cut.
Awesome. Thanks, oh pet of mine.
If you think thats a one-off, nope, previous sky-diving feline antics have resulted in a cut to the wrist from some wayward claws, and at the very least, even if she happens to miss my sleeping body, she scared the shit out of me with this resounding ‘thud’ hitting the cushion next to my head and waking me ALL THE WAY UP.
One would think, if one were into conspiracy theories, that she lies awake at the platform overlooking my sleeping figure and targets a spread of body parts in which to hack at mercilessly as she glides effortlessly though the air towards me.
My eye hurts.