Fragility

Hot and Cold. There are people that thrive in one condition, and tolerate the other condition. In my experience, few people enjoy both extremes. As for myself, I can bear being ‘too hot’, but find little to enjoy in being ‘too cold’. Canada, at least around this end, is certainly a country of four seasons. […]

I should start here.

It is May. 2017. I am 46. I am 14 days from a return to the UK. I haven’t seen home in a number of years. On this whirlwind trip around the UK I will also see a few friends that I haven’t seen for a long time. A couple of people, not since the end […]

Intimate Distance

This title is something I struggled with for much longer than the inspiration for the blog itself. First…I want to say that anything contained here is from my own skewed, flawed, imperfect perspective. As it can only be. And it may be completely wrong. Second. To be frank…who cares. She won’t read it. We are […]

Where we go, where we’ve been.

There is a memory I replayed this morning, a clear moment in time. A humid city square next to an ancient wall, stormclouds gathering, between showers, the concrete slick and shiny. I was walking alongside her, drawn to her side, as was my habit. She was the flickering lightbulb in my life at that stage, […]

Remembering

The picture shows a boy lying on a yellow foam matress in the back garden, basking in the sunlight. When people ask me what my first memory is, I detail this moment. The sun is blinding, I see the light behind my eyelids, I open it to a full, summer sun, I roll to my […]

I am falling in love with my cellphone

Until a couple of years ago, I was never much of a smartphone guy. My fascination with cellphones, at least aesthetically, had begun sometime ago, back when I lived in China, I found them cheap and useful, and on my westerners salary, I could afford a relatively stylish one. My love affair ended with a […]

Thought Thirty-Five: Walthamstow

My mom was punched in the face. Did that statement make you pause the coffee cup half way to your mouth? Make your eyes flick from the youtube video to this particular collection of pixels? Well, I guess it should, but there’s some adjustments to that statement you should know. Don’t get me wrong. The […]

Thought Twenty Seven: Man Love

I was a young man who once loved a young man. This is my confession. 1989. Portsmouth, UK. I was 18. It was the year of Tiananmen, the Hillsborough Football Tragedy, and the Fall of the Berlin Wall. Before the rise of the Internet, before Cellphones. And I was in love. Techically, I was in straight, […]

Thought Seventeen: First Love 3

The car slowed and stopped as she slipped past the vantage point I had from the front steps, but I already knew what was coming. I was kind of numb about it, in denial. I knew, but I didnt know, or wasnt really preparing myself for the news. Anyway, she came in, we made small […]

Thought Sixteen: First Love 2

So, despite the level of stress, we continued. During that summer, I lived in London with my mom, and Rosalie in Portsmouth with her parents. We traveled to see each other when we could. In spite of everything, we were solid, strong, firm in our commitment. Or, at least, I was. I was blinded by affection, unwavering […]

Thought Fifteen: First Love 1

It is true what the majority of people say, that the first time you fall in love, you fall the hardest. Its the only time in my life I have ever trusted someone unquestioningly, and would gladly give myself to them. The only time where I can confidently say that I never questioned my feelings, […]

Thought Eleven: I Remember

You see, its what you forget. What you lose. What slips through your brain full of holes. The little things, the stuff of life, the stuff that makes you smile, makes you cry. The lead character from the film ‘Everything Is Illuminated’, Jonathan, would collect things from an early age, little things, and preserve them […]

Though Eight: Hitchiking Five

The longest trip I attempted, in my younger more optimistic days (not that im THAT old now, it just feels like it) was a trip from London, UK to the South of France to see a friend who was working in a holiday camp for a summer job. Im not sure I would attempt the […]

Though Seven: Hitchiking Four

Ok then, we’ve pretty much covered this topic, but heres my two most unusual lifts: The first, forgive me, is a story I tell from time to time, so if youve heard it before, well, just skip over it, but it is still interesting. There is pretty much two main roads that connect England to […]

Thought Six: Hitchiking Three

There are days when it takes forever to go a few miles down the motorway, and there are days when everything just comes together, days when I was actually faster than public transport. I lost count of the number of lifts, of the miles travelled. I managed to cover the majority of the UK, I […]

Thought Five: Hitchiking Two

So! If youve followed the steps in the last blog, then youre ready to go, and you stand a good chance getting a lift. Thumb out, smile, clear sign, dont let them get to you… Its a weird kind of feeling, hitching. You are completely at the mercy of complete strangers. They will have complete […]

Thought Four: The Magic!

I did my time in higher education (in fact, more than my allotted time, considering I tried, quit, and tried again) at, primarily, Newport College of Art and Design, in Newport, surprisingly enough, in Wales. The course was a B.A. in Fine Art, but it was a progressive course, at the time, it encouraged the […]

Thought Three: Tears

The first film I ever cried to. When I was a teenager, I would suppress the urge to display emotion in soppy films. Actually, its more accurate to say that I wasnt really moved by any of them to any extent. Memory is hazy, but I was 14-ish, in the front room, watching a late […]

Thought Two: Scorned

I was at school. I want to say, something like 14. Not entirely sure, but somewhere around that. Teenage crushes, finding your feet, defining your personality. Generally school was an unhappy time for me, but that can be saved for another post. Foggy recollection about this particular one. I had a girlfriend for a while […]

Thought One: Hitchhiking One

When I was a teenager, fresh out of University, or rather, fresh out of uncompleted University, I wanted to live the student lifestyle, hanging on to what mystique remained of the student life. Eating pot noodles, watching daytime TV, sleeping at unusual hours, living on the basics, and my travel ethic followed the same principles. […]