Europe and Home Part 4 – Bexhill and Mom

A relatively short flight on RyanAir brings me to the good old UK. Feeling pretty tired again with minimal sleep (up at 4 for a 6am flight), but all goes well…..well-ish anyway. There is a wait for my bus, so I settle in the airport cafe, and a little before my bus is due to […]

Europe and Home Part 3 – Pisa

Back on the train! It’s a short hop from Florence to Pisa. I asked two Italians before I left ‘what’s the best thing to do in Pisa’ and their answers were exactly the same…’Get drunk’. It didn’t exactly fill me with confidence to hear that, but I was only going to be there for a […]

Europe and Home Part 2 – Florence

Bundled on to a train with my stuff in the Italian summer heat, and I am on to my next destination, Florence. First, I am impressed by the trains and facilities in general, comfortable, regular, fast, and due to the size of the country, it feels like everywhere is connected. Florence is 2.5hrs away from […]

Europe and Home – Part 1 – Venice

So. Saturday night. Flying to Europe from Montreal. On the Plane. I get 3…count ’em….3 seats to myself….thanks to these lovely old ladies moving to a different section. (I didn’t force them to move, honest…) And STILL I cannot sleep….my brain is working overtime. I am visualizing the complex plan that I have set out […]

I should start here.

It is May. 2017. I am 46. I am 14 days from a return to the UK. I haven’t seen home in a number of years. On this whirlwind trip around the UK I will also see a few friends that I haven’t seen for a long time. A couple of people, not since the end […]

Validation

I just dipped my toes in to the new season of Black Mirror, the first episode, called ‘Nosedive’ deals with being digitally ‘liked’ to the ‘n’th degree, in fact, your social standing, lifestyle, livelihood, day to day existence depending on it. It got me thinking. Do we have the ability to live in a validation-free society? […]

Pain is a person.

Let me begin by admitting something. I am a wimp.   I don’t think I am being overly unkind to myself, I am just being realistic. I am not a manly man; the kind of arm-amputee-its-just-a-flesh-wound type of alpha male. My relationship with pain is a long one, to the extent that I was so […]

Hi, Mom.

It’s me. Your son. Your first born, your only born. Our lives have a curious kind of mirror. I realize I know so little about you before I was born. I left home when I was almost 16. I realize you know little about me since then. Mom. We don’t talk about things, do we? […]

I am not Deadpool (and so am you)

Featured Image – Chibi Deadpool by Teimari “The forties are the time when you begin to take notice of certain aches and pains. Your body and brain behave in inexplicable ways: Less hair on your head, more in your ears and nostrils. More memories in the bank, less synaptic firepower with which to access them. […]

Intimate Distance

This title is something I struggled with for much longer than the inspiration for the blog itself. First…I want to say that anything contained here is from my own skewed, flawed, imperfect perspective. As it can only be. And it may be completely wrong. Second. To be frank…who cares. She won’t read it. We are […]

On Anger

I would say it has been about two years since I lost my cool. Perhaps another 6 months-1 year before then for the time before…..perhaps another 3 years for the time before that. I would like to think I am a calm person…then again, I think we all would like to think that. I know […]

Sky Scared – My first drone flight.

New experiences. Ooooh. So, my stabilizer friend, Sunny, was kind enough to pull a few strings on the other side of the world and get me a drone at cost price. It all happened in a rush. We were talking about it last week, it was shipped from China on Thursday, and I was picking […]

On Failure..

When I go and see a movie, I will always have an opinion about it, but good or bad, I will always stay to watch the film. My general outlook is that you can learn as much from a bad movie as you can from a good one. Even if it annoys you, repulses you, […]

Where we go, where we’ve been.

There is a memory I replayed this morning, a clear moment in time. A humid city square next to an ancient wall, stormclouds gathering, between showers, the concrete slick and shiny. I was walking alongside her, drawn to her side, as was my habit. She was the flickering lightbulb in my life at that stage, […]

Haiti – Day Six – The Bittersweet

The sun rises on a final day in another world. The sound of church bells becomes a part of the morning routine now. Not to say that in six days everything becomes routine, because I just have to glance over the balcony and take a breath and listen to the sounds to realize I am […]

Haiti – Day Five – Crossing Over

Today was an early start….wasn’t every morning? We were up before sunrise again with the over enthusiastic church bells (did I mention they are recorded, not live? I felt sightly cheated about that bit…church bells from speakers from an on-off switch feels slightly like religion-lite). After breakfast…finally got a hold of a needle and thread […]

Haiti – Day Four – Contrasts

After the more emotionally turbulent day previously, we were up again at the crack of dawn…quite literally…I was shuffling around before sunrise, at 5.30, only to find that there was no electricity, water, or church, which was supposed to be the reason we all woke up early. I filmed the sunrise whilst the group hung […]

Haiti – Day Three – Pride and Prejudice

A day of thoughts for me. The timetable was relatively simple, Church in the morning, then a free day, a trip to the beach. I am staying on a church compound, a gated community, containing a couple of school buildings, a small walk-in clinic, a pharmacy, the pastor’s building, containing the rooms where we sleep, […]

Haiti – Day Two – Church and State

Saturday morning comes early. Really, really early. As is life, it seems around here. Awake with the heat of the sun means awake at around 6-6.30, maybe earlier, evening sleep comes around 9pm. I had slept in fits and starts, but was rested enough when the sun came up. The power was cutting in and […]

Day One – Welcome to Cap-Haïtien

2.27 am – Saturday, January 17th. Cap-Haïtien, Haiti. 93 percent humidity, around 21 degrees. I don’t think I have ever flown for so short a distance, and yet come to a place so far away. I set out from Miami International Airport having only slept about 3 hrs the night before. Head buzzing full of […]

Week One

It’s the first week of 2015, or rather, the first week of 2015 has already passed us by. Just like that. One week from 52. A year sounds so short when it’s broken down into smaller parts. Our human invention, time, dissects moments, stopwatches the world. The passing of time becomes paramount these days, I […]

Closer and Further Away

On the first day of a new year I find myself watching a movie from a dead director. It began as a play, in 1999, one of the stage performers being Maggie Gylenhaal, playing Alice. The same playwright, Partick Marber, then went on to adapt the play to a screenplay, and the film was directed by […]

Remembering

The picture shows a boy lying on a yellow foam matress in the back garden, basking in the sunlight. When people ask me what my first memory is, I detail this moment. The sun is blinding, I see the light behind my eyelids, I open it to a full, summer sun, I roll to my […]

Words: Worth

Today’s’ episode is bought to you by the letter…well…all of them. “another thing, baldrick, belly, bird’s nest, blackness, box unseen, breach, case, charged chambres, chaste treasure, circle, city, clack-dish, cliff, commodity, constable, corner…” I recently stumbled across a post on Reddit talking about how we hear our own voices differently than how they actually sound. I […]

On ego (and the losing of)

What to do? You are a content creator. It’s your job. (You, meaning me, in case you’re confused.) You are paid to create. In the act of creation, you become attached to your creation. How can you not? You invest time and effort into making something, and in any context, in almost any situation, this […]

I am a mirror. I want to be a beacon.

Here’s how it goes. I work with clients to realize their own visions. I translate their thoughts and ideas to moving images. I strive to achieve the things they have in their head through the digital medium. In essence, I am a mirror. I attempt to reflect their ideas back to them. The mirror changes […]

Dating. Missing

I have a profound sense of loss and longing after a blind date. It’s not to do with the blind date partner. I’m not entirely sure what it is. Online dating is a modern cure for the age-old symptom of loneliness.I think I stay single because I am afraid of putting myself out there, afraid […]

I am falling in love with my cellphone

Until a couple of years ago, I was never much of a smartphone guy. My fascination with cellphones, at least aesthetically, had begun sometime ago, back when I lived in China, I found them cheap and useful, and on my westerners salary, I could afford a relatively stylish one. My love affair ended with a […]

Fat

Disgusting image! Yeah! Woo! That is 1lb of fat. I lost a little over 4 of those in the last 7 days. Thats the equivalent of half a healthy baby….or 15-20 medium sized potatoes. The thing is…the human body can fluctuate up to 5lbs in any given day…water weight, time of day…etc etc….and the beginning […]

Thought Thirty-Five: Walthamstow

My mom was punched in the face. Did that statement make you pause the coffee cup half way to your mouth? Make your eyes flick from the youtube video to this particular collection of pixels? Well, I guess it should, but there’s some adjustments to that statement you should know. Don’t get me wrong. The […]

The Sky and the Ground are One

A grey day. The kind of day where the concrete has more texture than the skies, but they meet in perfect tone and hue at the horizon. A run. I have yet to run for an extended period of time without breaks, which is a frustration, but it is early days, and the body is […]

Freeform

Writing without an idea, at least for me, is a little dangerous. You never know where you’re going to end up, how you got there, where you’re going. Unchecked, uncensored thoughts jostle for attention, craving to be digitally immortalized, rendered in pixels for all to see. From the banal to the mischievous, all eyes on […]

The Start

First 3 days of the diet and exersize. Urgh. Headaches during the first couple of days. Unavoidable. Body is switching from comfort food, crappy snacks, junk food, to something more natural. Or perhaps just another kind of artificial. Who knows these days… First bodyweight/sandbag/kettlebell workout yesterday for….well, months and months. Way too long. Body doesn’t […]

Let It Go

And I sure did. The last year hasn’t been particularly kind to me, in a number of ways, but in the case of this post, how I have treated myself. I have gone from marathon running and triathlon prep-ready, to overweight, lumbering, unhappy. Gah. There is a laundry list of excuses, but I can’t rely […]

Fresh Start

Nothing (much) to see here. Testing out my blog after years of not using, and adding some random smartphone pics from my new phone. More meaningful stuff to come…  

Two Three Four Seven

I dont consider myself a runner, I never have, a reluctant one at best. In September 2010 I took part in my first formal run, doing the 10k from the 20th Montreal Marathon. It was a fun experience, crowds, noise, roadside entertainment, and a finish inside the olympic stadium, which was a great experience. Since […]

First

OK. So. I should be sleeping, but I need to write first. The average life expectancy for a UK male is 77.2, and a Canadian male is 78.3. Lets round this up, add a few years for good benefit (assuming that the technology to extend/improve lifespan will improve during my lifetime) and we have roughly […]

Thought Thirty-Four: Bizarre

Well. That was…odd. 40th birthday. Yeah, i’m THAT old. Deal with it. Anyway, I have been messaging back and forward for a week or more to organize a photoshoot with a model who for all intensive purposes shall remain nameless. Well, we figured on a time and place, and it happened to fall on my […]

Thought Thirty Three: John Lennon’s Bed

Launched a website at midnight on Sunday. Got two hours sleep.  Went to the scene of John Lennon’s famous ‘Bed-In‘ hotel room. Almost exactly 42 years ago that this event happened. Hard to believe. It was part of a promotion from a local events company, they staged their own ‘bed-in’ to pay tribute to the […]

Thought Twenty Seven: Man Love

I was a young man who once loved a young man. This is my confession. 1989. Portsmouth, UK. I was 18. It was the year of Tiananmen, the Hillsborough Football Tragedy, and the Fall of the Berlin Wall. Before the rise of the Internet, before Cellphones. And I was in love. Techically, I was in straight, […]

Thought Twenty Six:Cat+High Place=Black Eye

Yes, my kitty cat, my adorable ball of fluffy fun managed to give me a black eye this morning. Let me explain (Mists of recollection descend, screen goes all wibbly wobbly, flashback commences) The weather is changing here, and during the winter, my cat and I curl up together for warmth. SO far so good. […]

Thought Twenty-Five: Unrequited Love, Desire, and other mysteries

Without love our life is … a ship without a rudder … like a body without a soul. ~Sholem Aleichem Every day, we strive to achieve something. Whether the goals be small (catch the right bus, finish the work, be on time for our meeting) or large (be a better person, decide what studies to […]

Thought Twenty-Four: Bad Dreams, Bad Movies

Funny, looking at the title I just wrote. Dreams are really what movies want to become. More Immersion than 3-D smell-o-vision, or any exotic technology yet to come for a long while. I remember the film ‘Strange Days’ where theres a little gadget that can record experiences and replay them to someones mind directly as if they […]

Thought Twenty-Three: Lets Go Running

Strange things happen during a run. There have been books, documentaries, endless reams of documentation about running, the art of running, the loneliness of a long distance runner, etc, so I wont attempt to top those respected works, but I thought I would take you on a run with me, while it is fresh in my head, […]

Thought Twenty-Two: Bits and Pieces

My mind cant focus on one particular thing, so this is a random mash up of the mush sloshing around in my brain cells right now. First, I should really write more in this blog. I apologize if anyone actually reads this for the scarcity of blog posts. I know when I read other peoples […]

6 Months In…

Well, here we are. 6 months down, to the day. I was saying I didnt want this to be a fitness blog, so most likely this is my last direct post on the matter, or at least the last post only discussing this. I am down to my target weight, in fact, just under it. […]

4 Months In…

Yup. 4 months in, 25 pounds later, same towel, same box sized room, same expressionless face, but thats me. Ok, Im not buff, not chiseled adonis-style body, stomach still painfully noticable, but im getting there. Im 4 months into my 6 month exploration, again, Im trying to avoid the words ‘diet’ and ‘exercise’, its a change of […]

Documentary Blog – Day 6

The days tick onward….fatigue is setting in a little, not so much that we dont have enough sleep, as Musa says ‘the brain is good, the body is not’ For him the hardest thing is the driving, 4, 5, 6 hours every day.  He keeps leaving his glasses in various locations, or just doesnt wear […]

Documentary Blog – Day 5

What started out, in theory, to be a relatively light day’s activities turned out actually to be particularly heavy. A large part of it, as is the norm now, was driving, getting lost, finding things, getting lost again, and then figuring out where we were going (or as Musa somewhat misleadingly titles it, ‘touring around’) […]

Documentary Blog – Day 4

Better day, although technical problems that Musa doesnt know about yet, so that will probably bring him down again. Some snags on his camera. We went to a North American Indian reservation (now, I know a good percentage of you right now are visualizing teepees, chiefs in big headresses dancing and leaping round fires, pipes […]

Documentary Blog – Day 3 – Regina

Difficult day. A little demoralizing. 6 millions things to do, and none of them quite working out. Back to Regina for another days shooting our First Nations Veteran, Howard Anderson. This time we were being filmed as we filmed the guy, but another woman working for a local cable company, who wanted to interview Musa […]

Documentary Blog – Day 2 – Regina

Yesterday was the first day of filming. 3 hours drive from Saskatoon to Regina, the capital city of the province, to meet our first interviewee, Howard Anderson. He is 86 years old, joined the army, like his father before him to fight for his country. He has a photo album with a picture of him […]

Documentary Blog – Day 1 – Saskatoon

It’s Tuesday morning, and I wake up in Saskatoon, a city of 200,000 people. So, what am I doing here, 2000km west from Montreal, you might ask? Well, this is day one of filming a documentary for my main client, Musa Kala. Over the past few months, we have been assembling the equipment, and lining […]

Thought Seventeen: First Love 3

The car slowed and stopped as she slipped past the vantage point I had from the front steps, but I already knew what was coming. I was kind of numb about it, in denial. I knew, but I didnt know, or wasnt really preparing myself for the news. Anyway, she came in, we made small […]

Thought Sixteen: First Love 2

So, despite the level of stress, we continued. During that summer, I lived in London with my mom, and Rosalie in Portsmouth with her parents. We traveled to see each other when we could. In spite of everything, we were solid, strong, firm in our commitment. Or, at least, I was. I was blinded by affection, unwavering […]

Thought Fifteen: First Love 1

It is true what the majority of people say, that the first time you fall in love, you fall the hardest. Its the only time in my life I have ever trusted someone unquestioningly, and would gladly give myself to them. The only time where I can confidently say that I never questioned my feelings, […]

Thought Fourteen: Things I Hate

As Bill Hicks once said ‘dont mind me, Im just filling up my hump of hate’. I hate being misunderstood. Misinterpreted. Misrepresented. Undervalued. Ignored. Mistaken. They may sound like a mini-list in itself, but actually, its all related. Soul crushing moments, like being at a party and saying a joke that only you smile at […]

Thought Thirteen: More Dreams

Shrugged off 6 hrs or so of sleep. Still hanging over me like a constricting shroud. Downing an energy drink to break the funk of tiredness. Im not going to let this blog turn into a dream diary or anything, in fact, im not a great fan of those, but this particular dream stuck with […]

Intermission

Up until 8am, worked through the night on my own thing. Recorded an accapella version of a new track off Imogen Heap’s new CD. Debating whether to share it with anyone or not. Tried adding a video…its taking too long to make. May add to the video version sometime soon. Dont want to be torn […]

Thought Twelve: Love

10 Things I love: I love the way my cat sleeps under my arm, next to me when I go to sleep. I Love the ‘a-HA’ moment when Im creating. That flash of inspiration, the breakthrough on something. The longer the struggle before the moment, the more satisfying the breakthrough becomes. I love being listened […]

Thought Eleven: I Remember

You see, its what you forget. What you lose. What slips through your brain full of holes. The little things, the stuff of life, the stuff that makes you smile, makes you cry. The lead character from the film ‘Everything Is Illuminated’, Jonathan, would collect things from an early age, little things, and preserve them […]

Thought Ten: Begging

My policy on begging, beggars, etc. Dont give them money. Thats it really. Dont do it. This is a difficult and problematic decision to make, and theres bound to be people out there that disagree with me. After all, just like waitresses rely on tips to supplement their minimum wage earnings, beggars rely on the […]

Thought Nine: Dreams

No, I’m not talking about career aspirations, or goals, or wishful thinking, Im talking about the stuff you do when you snore and drool. Yes, I drool in my sleep, I admit it. Nasty habit, but Im not even sure if theres anything that can be done about it. Dreams are odd things. Are they […]

Though Eight: Hitchiking Five

The longest trip I attempted, in my younger more optimistic days (not that im THAT old now, it just feels like it) was a trip from London, UK to the South of France to see a friend who was working in a holiday camp for a summer job. Im not sure I would attempt the […]

Though Seven: Hitchiking Four

Ok then, we’ve pretty much covered this topic, but heres my two most unusual lifts: The first, forgive me, is a story I tell from time to time, so if youve heard it before, well, just skip over it, but it is still interesting. There is pretty much two main roads that connect England to […]

Thought Six: Hitchiking Three

There are days when it takes forever to go a few miles down the motorway, and there are days when everything just comes together, days when I was actually faster than public transport. I lost count of the number of lifts, of the miles travelled. I managed to cover the majority of the UK, I […]

Thought Five: Hitchiking Two

So! If youve followed the steps in the last blog, then youre ready to go, and you stand a good chance getting a lift. Thumb out, smile, clear sign, dont let them get to you… Its a weird kind of feeling, hitching. You are completely at the mercy of complete strangers. They will have complete […]

Thought Four: The Magic!

I did my time in higher education (in fact, more than my allotted time, considering I tried, quit, and tried again) at, primarily, Newport College of Art and Design, in Newport, surprisingly enough, in Wales. The course was a B.A. in Fine Art, but it was a progressive course, at the time, it encouraged the […]

Thought Three: Tears

The first film I ever cried to. When I was a teenager, I would suppress the urge to display emotion in soppy films. Actually, its more accurate to say that I wasnt really moved by any of them to any extent. Memory is hazy, but I was 14-ish, in the front room, watching a late […]

Thought Two: Scorned

I was at school. I want to say, something like 14. Not entirely sure, but somewhere around that. Teenage crushes, finding your feet, defining your personality. Generally school was an unhappy time for me, but that can be saved for another post. Foggy recollection about this particular one. I had a girlfriend for a while […]

Thought One: Hitchhiking One

When I was a teenager, fresh out of University, or rather, fresh out of uncompleted University, I wanted to live the student lifestyle, hanging on to what mystique remained of the student life. Eating pot noodles, watching daytime TV, sleeping at unusual hours, living on the basics, and my travel ethic followed the same principles. […]